June 20 – The Feast of Corpus Christi. I am blessed to have been given the privilege to serve my parish through the choir.

O salutaris Hostia

However, I confess that on this day of all days, I found myself unable to fully participate in the celebration of the Eucharist because of my sleepiness. Truly, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I was unable to even listen to the priest’s homily (which was unfortunate because I was able to snatch a few gems during the seconds when I was able to regain control of my consciousness).

During the consecration, I kept asking for forgiveness from God for my weakness. And like the stubborn child that I am, even with my knowledge that I had offended Him, I still asked for His affirmation that He loves me despite my wavering attention during the Mass.

Then, it was time for communion. (Note to self: always remember that He listens to your prayers, even when you think, or know, that you don’t really deserve it)

The attentive lover that He is, He answered my prayer.

I am a believer that God will use that which you hold dearest to your heart to whisper His words of love. He created every fibre of my being so I should not be surprised that He often uses music and lyrics to speak to my heart.

And so, it was in the second communion hymn that my eternal suitor spoke to me yet again in a prayer that I have often heard and sung, but held a very personal message for me this time around. For the first time in a long time, my ears stopped listening to the lyrics to let my soul pray the words instead.

“And when the call of death arrives, bid me come to Thee that I may praise Thee with Thy saints forever”

By this time, I found myself unable to sing with the rest of the choir and found myself holding back my tears as His love flowed through me. I realized how useless and pointless my life would be if I did not spend every waking moment yearning for the day when God would see fit to call me to Him at the end of it all. I thought of the story of the saint that got knocked unconscious for 3 days when God relented to let him hear but one note of the music of heaven.

As a music lover, my life is called to be a song of praise to be offered to the One deserving of all adoration because of the love given to me by the Source of all love.

Cantare amantis est (singing belongs to one who loves) – St. Augustine

I think of the numerous songs I have sung throughout my life and how much thought I’ve given to the words that escape my lips. Then, I think of Christopher Duffley and am humbled as I join him in prayer. The first time I watched this video, I felt my heart shatter as once again I realize how much I yearn for the state when I can simply sing in my desire to call out to my God. The God who loves me. The God who has been patiently waiting for me all this time with outstretched arms.

My Beloved,

I offer You my heart – the heart that You created in me when You formed me in my mother’s womb – that it might always yearn for you. I offer You my voice that You may see fit to call me to join Your angels as they serenade You with praise for all eternity. May my soul’s song forever be in harmony with Yours. May the crescendo of my lifesong be the day You welcome me into Your embrace as You invite me to dance with You for all eternity.